following through

today i purchased my bees for the spring and i think my heart is going to explode. i have been meaning to live the life i have in my head, but had forgotten how to in the past of couple of years. for weeks, i couldn't go to sleep, i was thinking about spring. renewal. life. i want to run outside right now and just scream. i want to grab the hand of the next person i see, and tell them that its time to do it. live. its good.. but i wont, for fear that it would scare them, or maybe its more likely that i have done it to them already. i have a problem with that. its winter, and this house is chilly, but i am warm. birdhouses that my grandfather built, going up, committing. fantastic garden with warty melons and peppers. written down and committing. hops. daisies and lavender along the old stone barn wall. heartsong, and committing. cold frames, written down, preparing the barter list for the tools, committing. brown turkey figs,can taste them already, committing. a fruit press, for those pears, committing. sap buckets tacked to trees just to hold flowers and twigs, committing. and a stone patio, in the middle of it all, to take in those sweet summer nights. i am ready. i just took my first step.