lilacs

so i have lost my train of thought, i get overwhelmed and bam. nothing. not even bits of striped linen could bring me back. i even lost my garden belly fire. but tonight, i was stomping around the yard in my bare feet, hollering for the pup, and i caught a whiff of that lilac bush. and it was back. thunder road lyrics, about dancing on the porch and running off with my love, second chances, last chances, teenage lust and cold cold lemonade in moonlight. hearing people talking in the distance. deafening crickets. sunburn on my cheeks. my daughter with her hair sticking to the back of neck and a pure shit eattin grin. when i was younger, i had a business. it was called lavender dusted jazz baby, and i made soaps and lotions and i was happy. and i made lilac soap. it was a smell tonight, that brought me back to my creative productive self. before i was who i am now. i went inside, tucked my sweet(whining)growing girl into her bed, and lulled her to sleep with me, droning on and on about how my room smells like beeswax because of the frames that i will be filling with bees in just a week or two are in my room, and how i miss the smell of bread. and how i am forgetting. i talked about the tarts that were coming in the end of summer, from those fig bushes. and how just before she was born, i wandered around my yard eating fresh figs and blueberries from the bush in the evenings. and how on the very day she was born, the cotton in the field went from green to brown, i had felt it was a gift, the keep up my spirits. i chatted about hidden dresses in my closet. and how much i dislike ginger. she was snoring by that point, so i went back downstairs, marched right up to the bush, and tipped my invisible hat at it. so great. so glad no one else was there.